Open up and say ahhhh

I spent the night in the bed of a man I didn't necessarily expect to see again, not so soon. A careful night, a put aside all my ploys and tricks night. Not that I intended that, not at all. I fully intended a launch of every weapon at my disposal. It all fell away as soon as I crossed the threshold. I just wanted to talk and touch and be wrapped in the intellectual kindness that is Him. With no expectation, with no plan, just to enjoy.

I'm finding deeper manifestations of my submission, every day. I am becoming so compliant. Not eager, yet not unwilling. Just at their disposal. There is a comfort in this state of mind that is extremely addictive. I can't even sleep eye-to-eye, my place is face-to-cock with your hand in my hair.

My sore throat, which must have felt so deliciously swollen from the inside, is no worse for wear. Perhaps the exercise did it some good.

Zen and the Art of Submissive Maintenance

Since the gas prices started climbing, I've been practicing more efficient driving. This includes making fewer trips (which certainly dovetails into my hermit nature quite nicely) and driving more smartly. No A/C if I don't absolutely need it, no driving over the speed limit (actually, I CAN drive 55, Mr. Hagar), coasting to stops, gradual acceleration. I've gotten accustomed to the right lane. And surprisingly, no one seems to care. A year ago, a slow driver on the U.S. interstate system would have been abused by others, but not these days.

And it's amazing what you notice when suddenly the focus isn't to beat your best time, or pass that car, or block that guy from changing lanes...I get to see dolphins, if I'm lucky. I get to watch the ospreys catching fish with those horrible claws.

But it's not just about what you get to see when you slow down, it's the slight zen transcendence you achieve when you do it. My drives to work (to anywhere) are relaxing, meditative.

There is a correlation here that I can't quite put my finger on. My submissiveness, too, has turned all zen-like. Neither fast nor slow, though...more like a lever has been flipped. Someone pressed my easy button.

"when are we going to get going?" Chris says.
"what's your hurry?" I ask.
"I just want to get going."
"There's nothing up ahead that's any better than it is right here."

-Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance