Conflicted

While what I want most is to submit, I find myself struggling against it. They seem unworthy, these demi-Doms who require respect from someone they do not know. Yet I remember reading the first chapter of Gordon, and feeling that lassitude of spirit that comes on so easily in the presence of someone who conveys that quiet control. That rush of feeling...or perhaps better termed a lack of feeling...that I continue to crave and not find. To stop fighting it, to let go, is what I need. But all around me are misogyny, ego, and weakness. I watch them come and go, and the names change or the collars change hands, and it seems so ridiculously pointless. I'm not sure why I persist, and not sure that I will for much longer.