Gray Matters

I did something I was asked not to do. I say asked, because it's not to the point of being told. But that line is very fine. I confessed, not in my former "aren't I a naughty girl" laughingly unaware way. Just a confession. I did this. With the full knowledge that it will somehow be dealt with. And that dealing with it will undoubtedly be quite unpleasant.

I'm not writing this down to bring attention to the disobedience, or to show how careless I am with your attention. I'm trying to dig into the meat of why I deliberately chose to disobey when I actually did not want to, what little wiggly bit in my brain is suddenly acting out of turn, and why?