On the Offensive

I've often read that many submissive women are actually in positions of authority and power during their normal lives...work, personal but non-sexual relationships, financial, family hierarchy. It makes sense to me, that being in control creates a desire...no, a need...to throw off those metaphorical shackles in favor of physical shackles.

The slippery slope logic follows, then, that men or women who gravitate towards dominance have the opposite situation. They are weak or powerless in their normal lives, yes?

I don't like to think of it this way, yet so often those I meet (virtually, really, I don't give them much of a shake in terms of meeting in person) are ones with a grudge against the opposite sex, ones who were controlled by their mother or father, ones who don't work, can't provide, have no concept of social responsibility or obligation.

Again, I am saying slippery slope logic, so as not to offend (much). I know there are those who do not fit this description, who are strong simply because they are, not in reaction to being made weak during a formative stage in their lives.

But they are few and far between. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just making a statement. I don't mind the wait.

But to any of you who read my blog and who match that description...man up. Sort yourself. Don't take submission as your due simply because you added Sir or Master to an online profile.

Pierced

My heart is in my hand,
and my hand is pierced,
and my hand is in the bag,
and the bag is shut,
and my heart is caught.

-Jean Genet

Beating Banality

I was speaking with friends of mine about the fact that I have not successfully achieved subspace. Granted, it's not that I actively try...that seems counterproductive. I'm not sure that I believe in subspace, actually, since I only really have faith in something I can feel or have experienced personally.

My friend even said that she has seen me receive quite a severe beating and was surprised that I didn't reach it. The reaction of others was that they could get me there fairly easily, if given the chance.

I don't know about that, frankly. I stay very aware while in a session, and I'm not sure I could break out of that. I suspect that it will take an inordinate amount of pain to chip through my reality.

Generally, my thoughts range across a myriad of subjects and emotions, and go something like this...

'Gah, why didn't I wear the sexy undies instead of the everyday variety?? I knew this was a possibility!'

'Hmmm. My deodorant smells nice.'

'I wonder what this looks like from behind.'

'Oh, what's the name of this song???'

'Ouch, that stung.'

'Maybe you should pull my hair now.'

'Fuck. I need to get laid, this all-whipping thing is making me frenzied.'

'I wonder if he is hard...'

'This towel feels nice and rough on my nipples.'

'Oh, this is good, much more severe now.'

'I won't be able to reschedule that massage until the bruises fade.'

'Damn it, those people are too loud.'

'Sigh. Over already????'

Now you see the problem?

It was only a kiss

It was just that I needed it, so profoundly. I can't be here, read your words, and not. I didn't plan it, but I can't say it wasn't in the back of my mind.

I was patient, I tried to calm myself, tried not to jump there and be first. I watched, as I do. It wasn't enough.

There were hands and voices and yes, there was pain, some...and I shut my eyes and rode it and wanted more and harder and there were watchers and the music and those hands again and must not cum and please fuck me and don't and do and just make all of this in my head go away.

How can I feel better and worse at the same time?

Web Spinner

I do my utmost to be honest at all times. To myself, and to others. I warn people of my propensities to be a certain way, to act out in damaging ways. But I'm always honest about who I am and what I want from them or for them.

As such, when I am misled, I become incensed. Am I not worthy of truth? Am I so judgmental that I would not understand your truth? Or are you just so ashamed that you hide parts of yourself from me? How is there to be open and honest communication if you don't share all?